I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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