So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
PANTIES FOUND
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