I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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