My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
