Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
