if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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