Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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