my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
