he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
