I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
