dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
