Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
