i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
