I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
