yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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