Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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