Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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