What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
