i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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