waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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