Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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