Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
