ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
