is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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