Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
