He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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