i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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