I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
