Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
