would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
