Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
