We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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