I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
