The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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