Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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