Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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