I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just gift wrapped bread.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
