WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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