Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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