I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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