But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
