everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
God, I missed his penis.
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