yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
