i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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