I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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