my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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