she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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