wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize