The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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