Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
