Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
