Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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