it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
