At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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