every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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