there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize