I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
