he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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