What a fucking waste of an outfit
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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