i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize