I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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