Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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