____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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