True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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