alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
