I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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