Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
