Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
