come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
