question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
