So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
