So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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