He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
