It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My feet surprised me
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