I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
