If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
