Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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